Humbled by HIS majesty...

FACEinHOLE

2008-10-21T09:34:00.001-07:00

new blog

2008-10-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

Hey- I had to get a new blog because this one was not letting me on...its-

http://passiondesirepursuitintimacy.blogspot.com/

sweet!

SoMeDaY

2008-09-10T14:36:00.000-07:00

If it was up to me my life would be a blue print on the table and every year would have a label I would know precisely the day that you would come and find me I'd see your face(the one that I dream of) I just can't wait cos I know

someday someone's gonna change my life some how someone's gonna make me smile like I never have before someday someday somewhere, someone's gonna steal my heart some how we'll never ever be apart and I can't wait for that someday someday isn't so far away

I lay awake at night wondering if I had waste the chances giving up see from small romances then I look outside you're wondering on the same midnight sky(you're waiting too) I'm the one that you dream of these dreams come true

guess I'll never know if I passed you on the street the other day or maybe you're far across the ocean knowing every night I pray that some how HE will send you my way someday someday

Someday isn't so far away

The past 10 days...

2008-08-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

This is the Estero HIgh School logo- I have started assistant coaching and I absolutely love it! I definitely realize how lazy I was back in HS because of how they play and practice. I just have to sit back and laugh at practice so I don't get upset with them for literally walking on the court. Volleyball is something I am very passionate about, but I am learning at the same time, that it is not something that should be taking up all my thoughts and time. It has been a great experience and I am excited about the season! here is the schedule (some people have asked for it) http://est.leeschools.net/volleyball.html

School has also started this week, and fitting everything in my schedule has been fun. I am taking 15 credits and they are all online so I have to be on top of the game for real!

Also, if you think about it, one of my Mom's good friend Pam was just diagnosed with stage four Leukemia. She went to the doctor for a regular check-up and when the results for the blood work came back, they called her immediately telling her to come back in at that moment. She was admitted into the hospital yesterday and it is not looking to good right now.

Off to do some homework....blech! kidding!!!!

One crazy week!

2008-08-17T19:39:00.001-07:00

this week was absolutely crazy! It starts with last Saturday...a couple of my friends and I rented a boat for the day and went tubing/wake boarding/skiing TONS of fun...I just love feeling the wind hit my face while I am boating through the ocean. Monday was my 21st birthday....pretty crazy- I feel like an old lady now- no more "kid"...but it was another day- found out that my college pastor and friend is going through a lot right now and so the day of my birthday was rough- but is going to be beautiful in the end! Praise God~ last wednesday, I left for the KEYS! My first trip ever down there and it was GORGEOUS! I had a great time with some family and a friend of theirs...learned how to lobster and actual got the guts to go down and grab one...definitely would have been more amusing if there was a video camera involved- no such luck with that though, sorry. Now, I am back in the Fort, getting ready for the week to start...OH another big thing- I start helping out with the Estero High School volleyball team tomorrow! I am stoked about it and what God is going to do through this opportunity. Ok- peace out I'm exhausted!

THE BASH!

2008-08-05T12:28:00.000-07:00

Saturday was AWESOME! God is huge!!!!! His presence there was out of control, the way the families of Summit embraced this challenge and amazing opportunity showed me that they are starting to understand and live out reaching every man, woman and child. The way the Lord griped my heart about understanding and grasping the fullness of salvation. It has been a wonderful learning experience and even better, Summit is going through the mission statement- Summit Church exist to glorify God through presenting the gospel to every man, woman and child, connecting them into loving relationships with Jesus Christ and with others. Over the past two weeks were were breaking down "the Gospel" it has been a wonderful time of worship and teaching through the Gospel.

Here is the news cast from WINK news on the Bash, Saturday August 2nd.
http://www.winknews.com/features/education/26219864.html

Operation: Project Backpack

2008-07-31T14:47:00.001-07:00

As you can see, Summit Church/Journey239 is putting on an event called, Operation:Project Backpack. It is a wonderful opportunity we have had/have to impact our community by presenting 750 students with backpacks throughout Lee and Collier county. These backpacks are full of school supplies that a team of us had the wonderful opportunity to go and buy. It was extremely funny to watch peoples reactions when we brought 4 heaping cart full of school supplies...people would constantly as us "um..are you going to have enough room for all that..." or "wow, what are you doing with all of that..." and my favorite are little kids, "Mommy, look at all those groceries!"

The craziest thing out of the whole process so far has been the conversations with people and seeing how God has totally provided the finances, volunteers, school supplies, backpacks, etc. So I will have more to say about this after the event on Saturday, but for now....

COME OUT SATURDAY FROM 1-3PM AT SUMMIT CHURCH! woo

GiDdY

2008-07-28T10:04:00.000-07:00

The title explains me right now to the T! For the past couple weeks I have just been
absolutely giddy about God- what He is doing in my life, our relationship, learning
new things, and being able to gaze at all of HIS amazing qualities. It is the most
amazing feeling I have ever felt- dropping my jaw at every new "thing" that comes
up, waking up in the morning and smiling because I can-knowing that He is working
in and through me. I can't get enough of the word, hearing people talk about what the
Lord is doing in their lives, experiencing his grace and mercy, on and on!

I love it!

Greater things are yet to be done....

2008-07-14T07:38:00.000-07:00

This morning in my quiet time, the Lord led me to 2 Peter. I was looking over some notes from the past series at Summit- STAND...and came across this passage of scripture from 2 Peter 3:9-

The Lord is not slow in keeping is promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but EVERYONE to come to repentance.

I cannot help but think about FGCU and all of the students and faculty on that campus daily...even during the summer. Last night during our leadership meeting, we were able to just go and spend time in prayer over the campus, walking and driving to different places all over, having the reality of God's heart right in front of us. Many of us come to college for a simple degree, to say we are a Graduate- woo! The reality is- we are here for so much more than that. God desires so much more for this campus- for the students that will be coming here and for the students that have been here for a while- for faculty that have to deal with so much-and for the visitors that step foot on its pathways daily. In 2 Peter 1:19, Peter (Simon Peter) is explaining prophecy and the prophetic message- it stated something that hit me in the head-

...and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts..."

Right before that he says, "For we did not follow cleverl devised stories when we told you about the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ in power, but we were (get this...) eyewitnesses of his majesty."

God, I know you are doing a mighty work in and through the campus of FGCU. Thank you for letting me be apart of it, Lord guide each of us to a place of peace and comfort in you-God, be with the students that are going to be coming to college for the first time or even back into college from the summer, and stir a passion for you in their hearts. God- let them find you- find that amazing comfort and peace and experience your unfathomable love you so graciously disperse. Help those of us who do call upon you to show your love to all of these students and faculty- God show us your heart for this campus...

Tremble?

2008-07-09T16:34:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted in a while, but don't worry- God is at work in my life. I feel like I have been pushed and pushed consistently...the funny thing is at first my reaction is-man, again? already? this stinks! this is hard! can't I relax for a minute? Oh how my response should just be YES, Lord- and excited to see what He is calling me to. Be eager to learn and grow by pursuit of Him. For about 2 months or so I have been doing a study on 1 Timothy, which is about the pursuit of Godliness. Great study- it leads you through the whole book of 1 Tim. and leads you to correlating verses throughout the word. I have been so challenged and pushed to limits I never thought were there. It is awesome! Recently, I have been encountered with my dependence on God and living a quiet life being saturated by the Word of God. I was reading in 1 Tim 6 where Paul is writing to Timothy explaining the relationship between slaves and their masters.

All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect, so that God's name and our teaching may not be slandered. Those who have believing masters should not show them disrespect just because they are fellow believers. Instead, they should serve them even better because their masters are dear to them as fellow believers and are devoted to the welfare of their slave.

The study then led me to 1 Thessalonians 4:9-11.

"Now about your love for on another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all the brothers and sisters in Macedonia. Yet we urge you, dear friends, to do so more and more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily like may win the respect of outsiders so that you will not be dependent on anybody."

I cannot even begin to explain how boldly this speaks in my life. I have a great job, I love my job, great "boss" and staff that passionately pursues God, and how easily it is to think of them more as friends at times and get tasks accomplished on my time and not as quickly as maybe they would like...ouch! On top of that- living a quiet life, not full of pride and "look at my great accomplishments", but a lifestyle quiet and humble, one of service and Godliness. THEN- to not be dependent on ANYBODY- did you catch that...I really think when I read this I felt a slap on my face. I can blame my dependence on being an only child and the lifestyle of growing up with my amazing parents so focused on me and supporting me through everything- to learning that my only dependence should be God. Recently I led a group of High School students on a trip and before I left I was so adamant about getting others approval and opinions about going. Knowing God had already called me to going on the trip, but No, I still had to go to others...why? Because my dependence was not on God, it was on the opinions of others that I knew would support me and care for me.

Why is God's call not always enough.....

THE HIKE

2008-06-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

We arive at Windy Gap- a Younglife camp in Weaserville, NC....absolutely gorgeous site-pretty much takes your breath away. The Georgia group meets us there and we make our way up to Everest (not that high up, but it is where all of the backpacks and hiking gear is). We are all standing there with our suitcases and we are instructed to take out different numbers of clothes to but in the other backpack...I have to admit, it is pretty funny watching all of these students whining because they can't take everything they brought...

On to the hike....

PREFACE- When I decided to go on the trip, I was told the hike up to Plunge was about 1 1/2 miles....so Im in a pretty good mood:) THEN- I was re-directed to the understanding that it is just about 5 miles up. This is a steep mountain people! 5 miles feels like 25 miles....NUTS!

ok- we start the hike....not so bad at first- oh, and let me say that I have never been hiking or backpacking before- WHOLE NEW EXPERIENCE...about 5 min in I am already sucking wind...haha I got a good laugh at that.
About an hour into the hike I began to think about why in the world I was doing this...I mean, God totally told me to go, so that is enough reason in itself, but man it was rough. I began thinking about my family and missing them already, its funny how you don't see them for a while and you miss them, but its like a "miss" you always have, but when you go away you really "MISS" them. I also began to think about the good ol' Cabrera family. My heart began to hurt thinking about the kids and not seeing them for a week or able to talk to the "rents"...I knew it was going to be hard-it was way harder than I thought- I started to focus on Max...thinking about what he has to go through daily- dealing with Autism and not being able to get his thoughts across as easily as we all wish. Think about the hike that must be....It is funny how a little boy-almost 3 years old can inspire someone who is almost 21 or really any age- to get through this crazy hike I was on. I kept picturing his little chubby cheeks and big brown eyes with that heartbreaking smile running in front of me. He really, honestly kept me going. There were so many times I wanted to stop and take a break-my heart was pounding- legs were cramping- sweat was pouring out of me-but this little boy running ahead of me pushed me to a place of perseverance. I began to look at life and our spiritual journeys...thinking about the fact that there will always be people in front of us- no telling how far in front or how close and ultimately God and knowing they are pulling us up, encouraging us, loving us....and then there are always people behind-once again don't know how close or how far, but they are there....we are never last- those people are pushing us- sometimes encouragement come and sometimes struggle comes (like a tug-o-war) but at last- YOU REACH THE SUMMIT. As you can tell- my mind was racing...I did it- I made the hike, shaking a bit and all- but we did it...as a family!

Here is a quick quote from a book I just started... CRAZY LOVE " There is an epidemic of spiritual amnesia going around, and none of us is immune. No matter how many fascinating details we learn about God's creation, no matter how many pictures we see of His galaxies, and no matter how many sunsets we watch, we still forget. Most of us know that we are supposed to love and fear God; that we are supposed to read our Bibles and pray so that we can get to know Him better; that we are supposed to worship Him with our lives. But actually living it out is challenging. It confuses us when loving God is hard. Shouldn't it be easy to love a God so wonderful? When we love God because we feel we should love Him, instead of genuinely loving out of our true selves, we have forgotten who God really is. Our amnesia is flaring up again."

This past week was a huge expression of God's unfathomable love- it was awesome!

"I can do all things through-who- CHRIST- who gives us-what- STRENGTH!!!!!!!!!"
Phil. 4:13

The Distant Whisper

2008-06-19T07:19:00.001-07:00

So I am ALIVE! WOOOOO! Didn't know if I was going to make it there for a while. Plunge was rough- I'm not gonna lie! Full of new experiences and people- not like me, but that is the cool part about it all. I would not say that I found a new love of backpacking, hiking, going partially insane being in the woods by myself, BUT it was an amazing experience-hard to put in words. The big picture of the week for me was finding the difference between aloneness and solitude. The act of being alone means that there is no one else present. without another's help or participation. Solitude is similar but get this, it is the state or situation of being alone-NOT actually being alone-it says nothing about having no one... so similar I know, but really so different. There was one part of Plunge that was a 24 hour SOLO. Yes, a whole 24-hour period of solitude in the woods with the next person about 50 yards away. I definitely understand why people go mentally insane now-it's hard! But, during this time I was able to reflect on the mysteriousness of God- His love, grace, mercy, joy, and crazy ways! There were no interruptions (except the rain)...think about the last time you had a 24 hour period with no one to jump in to say hi or a call on the cellular! That was the big picture of the week...next is the HIKE!

Hospitality

2008-06-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

It has been really cool to look at a lot of the ways God has
been at work in my life. Through friendships, roommates,
living situations, school, parents, etc. It has also been very
encouraging to see Him work in and through me to reach
and share with others. As I said in my last post, I love, love,
love hearing peoples stories and I am really excited to have
this experience at Plunge to hear 30 different stories from
all different backgrounds.
Through my study of 1 Timothy, in chapter 3 it talks a lot
about how women should hold themselves and live out
their lifestyles. At first when I was reading through this
I just merely read it because it was about marriage and
submitting to their husbands, and being a good mom, but
the last one has recently took a hold of my heart...
hospitality. You can think of hospitality of offering water
to someone when they come over or having the small group
at your house, but hospitality is the act of generously
providing care and kindness to whomever is in need.
Wow! That is such a big statement- It makes me think
of the passage of scripture where Jesus states: Matthew 23:33-40
33He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34Then the king will say to those on his right, "My father has
blessed you! Come and receive the kingdom that was prepared
for you before the world was created. 35When I was hungry,
you gave me something to eat, and when I was thirsty, you
gave me something to drink. When I was a stranger, you
welcomed me, 36and when I was naked, you gave me clothes
to wear. When I was sick, you took care of me, and when I was
in jail, you visited me."
37Then the ones who pleased the Lord will ask, "When did we
give you something to eat or drink? 38When did we welcome
you as a stranger or give you clothes to wear 39or visit you
while you were sick or in jail?"
40The king will answer, "Whenever you did it for any of my
people, no matter how unimportant they seemed, you did it for me."

I used the Contemporary English version because I love how the last
line is stated..."whenever you did it for ANY of my people, no
matter how unimportant they seemed, you did it for me...."

So this trip for me is like a mission trip. 100% service to all of the
students and leaders going on this trip....and most of all, service to
the Lord! sweet!

-I'm off tomorrow bright and early----joy! haha

God my prayer is that my devotion to you is evident in all that
I say and do, and there is a seriousness and purpose to my life
that is not missed...thank you for this opportunity to serve you
others I don't even know...!

PlUnGe

2008-06-02T08:19:00.000-07:00

This picture is from Pioneer Plunge (in the winter obviously). It is a Young life camp that is in the Blue Ridge Mountains in North Carolina. After wrestling through and praying about being a counselor for a group from Naples going on this trip, I felt led to take the journey. We leave June 10th and return (hopefully...jk) June 17th. CAMP- you think...fun, exciting, fun pictures, new friends, mountain top experience in your faith (most of the time), closer as a group, something to do over the summer...yada yada- but my heart doesn't want that. I know it is going to be fun, a push out of my comfort zone (once again), definitely meeting new people because I know no one I am going with, and let me just say..no lie...no mirrors, no deodorant, no running water, no electricity, wood burning stove (meaning we cut down the trees and take an ax to them), in the WOODS (there are bears there-YIKES!)- but why would people make a camp like this? Why would anyone want to go on this trip? Do you really meet God face to face? These are just questions running through my head...and if you can't tell- I am crazy nervous about this trip-but even more excited about it. I was doing a devotional this morning, from The Ransomed Heart,
- If you want to get to know someone, you need to know their story. Their life is a story. It, too, has a past and a future. It, too, unfolds in a series of scenes over the course of time. In order to make you understand their story, "to give you my life, I must tell you a story..." (Virginia Woolf). I expect all of us, at one time or another, in an attempt to understand our lives or discover what we ought to do, have gone to someone else with our stories. This is not merely the province of psychotherapists and priests, but of any good friend. "Tell me what happened. Tell me your story, and I'll try to help you make some sense of it."
We humans share these lingering questions: "Who am I really? Why am I here? Where will I find life? What does Go want of me?" The answers to these questions seem to come only when we know the rest of the story....

While reading this devo- I could only think about all of the grace stories I am going to hear on this trip. After meeting with the other leader (Zach) and his wife (Blair) and hearing just a tad bit about each of the girls, my heart began to break for them. Yes, we all have a story- a wonderful story-and throughout the week everyone on this "retreat"/camp will get to share them....that make me excited!

...So if you think about it- please pray for me and the group of 15 from Naples that will be leaving June 10th- that we will experience God in a clear and authentic way- and most of all...that it would not just be a mountain top experience that will last who knows how long- but a real and exciting way to live out our faith.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, be prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7

James 1

2008-04-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

James 1:2-8

(message) Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

I cannot even begin to explain God's presence in my life...the past week or so has been a huge test of patience, trust, love, peace, and so much more. I have been trying to find another roommate for a while because it was just never a stable situation and God totally provided! So, I can say..God is good right...but my question is, would I be saying that if God has planned for Jessi and I to live in a 2 bedroom place?

On another note- at church we have been studying the book of Titus. I had never really read or studied it so I was stoked when we began the study. Today we read Titus 2:9-10 and Orlando did a wonderful job communicating to the people. This piece of scripture focuses on how to act in the workplace, and at first I was thinking, man I don't really deal with the business world directly right now, but I started to think about my attitude, words, and actions I have when I go into work at Old Navy. I was so convicted because working there has a negative effect on me now. I really don't like going into work and when I am there I count the minutes to when I get to leave. It is honestly, pathetic! God has me there for a reason and to glorify HIM in everything I do. so much to work on...how cool! ha

little buggers....

2008-04-11T18:36:00.000-07:00

It is amazing to me how much you can learn from two little kids...man! So for a couple days this week I have been playing "mommy" not really but babysitting these two stinkers. I love them so much...they are awesome kids, but man are they hard work! haha It has been great, dont get me wrong I would do it again in a heartbeat- but I am worn out! They surprise me everyday I see them with new words and fun things to do...tonight during "bath time" we were coloring with their new crayons and we were all laughing so hard...why? I'm not really sure, but their smiles break me. I have to remember daily to thank God for them and their family, my family, my friends, etc. in my life because they are so important to me and God has blessed me with them. What a great gift!

God is Good...

2008-04-11T18:26:00.000-07:00

But...am I just saying that because He provided a house? This is such a hard question to answer...I would like to say No, that God is good because He is worthy of all praise. So, would I be saying God is good if He didn't provide a place here but a place at home? interesting...good question though.

So school is almost over-my junior year, came and is going, going, pretty much gone! I cannot believe how fast it is going. I remember when I was in middle school, my school not being far from the local High school at all. I would watch the High schoolers leave class and walk through the halls with their text books in their hands, thinking wow! they are so cool...then high school came and left before I could blink my eyes...and now college is almost over. I was at the FGCU softball game the other night and a fond memory came to my random head- I remember going to USF softball games with my Daddy when I was playing ball and thinking how old those girls were and man, I would never be that good- CRAZY! I know I totally just went off subject, but I am thinking through different "bullets" in my relationship with Christ. I look at when I first gave my life to Him about 4 1/2 years ago and relate it to now. God is Good! From my last post, I had to look back and think about the last clear direction He gave to me, which was to come down to FGCU and play ball. Well, softball ended soon after that because of an injury, but the plan God has made for me and the way it has shown itself in my life the 3 years I have been down here is so hard to comprehend. Man!

I will go...

2008-04-03T09:38:00.000-07:00

I cannot even begin to explain what has been going on. I was challenged, very very challenged, the other day at Staff meeting. We were talking about Samuel in 1 Samuel about saying, Yes, Lord. Is that your response to everything? Boy- this wasn't my answer. Ill try and make this short...I am trying to find a place to live for the summer and next year...I have found roommates, some have started to back out, others have stayed in, and others are half in half out...it is frustrating, Im not going to lie. But in these situations should be easy to say, Ok God do what you will in this situation, but for me, its not so easy. I feel like things keep falling through-so I say well its obviously not God's plan...so I search for more. Taking control of it and not letting God put his plan to practice...so as I wait and wait and wait I need to say Yes, Lord I will go... take me there.... so this is my response..

Desperation Band from Everyone Overcome © 2007.

Let Your kingdom come on earth. Let Your will be done
Let every kingdom of this earth bow.

Let the sinners sing for joy, we are saved by grace
Let every saint break through these doors and shout

You’re calling out, “who will go?”

I will go. I will live the life. I’ll give it all for Jesus Christ.
I’ll tell the world that You are God.
I will go. Hear my battle cry. Give me wings so I can fly
and tell the world that You are God.

Here am I, here am I, I will give all that is mine.
Here am I, here am I, Jesus come and spend my life.

I will go. I will live the life.
I’ll give it all for Jesus Christ. I’ll tell the world that You are God.
I will go. Hear my battle cry.
Give me wings so I can fly and tell the world that You are God

GOD- my response is for you...Lord it is so hard for me, and you know I don't want to leave this area that I am at/in right now. Lord but If you want me to I will go. If that means go back home, I will, if it means go to china, I will go. I trust you and you alone! I love you

ants on a log....

2008-03-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

ha ha this is called ants on a log....it's celery with peanut butter and rasins....interesting I have to say
Definitely a fun snack...woooo
I am trying to eat healtheir....haha

The little ones...

2008-03-13T18:35:00.001-07:00

Man these little ones were so cool! Even with the huge language barrier, God's love still shines through! Woooooo!
A piece of my heart was left with them for real! When can I go back? :)

LiFe ChAnGe

2008-03-13T18:09:00.000-07:00

So I am back from Juarez, Mexico...still hurting from the time change. I cannot even begin to explain how views, defintions or "churchy" words, mental pictures, thoughts, feelings, etc have changed and been broken from this amazing experience. I do not think I have fully encompassed everything I came incontact with or things brought to my attention. I know I am being vague, but it is hard to think through it and see how it is going to play out in my life. So- I will begin by saying that I am in love, literally in love, with word study- That is studying the Word, by defining words throughout scripture. The first night there we were challenged to define poverty. So, think about it, what is your definition of poverty? Is it just the "poor" people around you in your area? Or does it go to the extent of individuals in Africa? There are so many definitions of this powerful word...and my question was, do I know how powerful it is? When I began to think about poverty and how I would define it- I began thinking about the homeless people in Ft. Myers. That is the last thing before this trip that I had been in contact with, that had "nothing." After being in this area of Mexico for the period of time I was, I began to think what the definition of nothing is....honestly, every single person has something...and more than likely, a lot of things. Whether they are relationships, cars, a house, a friend, a cup of water, a meal a week....think about God-saying in the word that He will be there always- All-present! Wow!

There are more definitions brought to my attention- compassion,hope, joy, peace, happiness, surrender, love and more. I was shown by this trip a little picture of each of these ideas. The trip opened my eyes- to many good things and then some hard things....I remember talking to my mom when I got back and saying this exact statement, "Mom, I should never tell you again that I NEED something." These people do not have all access to doctors, stores, malls, water, food, etc. Man my heart goes out to each and every one of them.

Another thing I was truly convicted of was the idea of compassion. I have read it and heard about it over and over, but to be truthful, that is one of the words I just use to pass over. Todd (our college pastor) was reading scripture to us one night. He was reading out of Matthew and Jesus having compassion on others. That statement hit me hard- I began to think about our trip as a whole, even at the very beginning at the airport. A couple of us arrived super early in the morning- right when we got there to check in our bags, we hit a bump- one suitcase was overweight and so we asked them to hold one of the other ones so we could move stuff around...and they put it on the belt. (not a huge deal) but we all took direct defense, got upset at the lady and started talking about how rude that was....INTERESTING...no compassion there...so I spoke up- I realized that everyday of our lives we go around showing compassion to people we want to show it to-people we care about and care what they think about us. I honestly do not know one person that walks every day of their lives showing compassion to everyone they come in contact with or even think about. It may be a lot to ask, or see in someone, but its true. So I said that idea and then came back with explaining that I have seen every single person in the group that went show compassion to every individual we met or came in contact with on the trip. When we knew we had more, or knew that people could tell we were on a mission trip...interesting. That is my first challenge for coming back- beinging myself to a place, or should I say allowing the Spirit to work in my life to where I show this compassion to others, not just chosen people by me, but everyone...hard I know- but do-able! So I hope as a brother or sister in Chirst, that you can call me out when you see me not following through with this in my life. I proved it to myself that I can do it while I was in Mexico. So call me out- for real! Its only going to make me stronger...

Joshua 1:9

MEXCIO!!!!!!

2008-03-01T10:53:00.001-08:00

AHHHH so I leave in less than a day for Mexico- then adrenalin has started....
getting a little nervous. I was reminded of this verse...Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD you God is with you wherever you go. SO GOD HERE I GO!!!

Please pray for our safe travels and for what God is going to do in Mexico! GOD is good!

He's the Remedy-

2008-02-26T19:44:00.000-08:00

Today was an interesting day- but let me start with yesterday. I was at the office because Monday is my "work" day, and the leadership team challenged a couple of us to get together and "wordsmith" the core values of Summit Church. Now, I have to be honest and say- one I was like, HA yeah um...I hope I don't have to talk at this meeting, and the other part of me was so excited to be able to sit in and either voice an opinion/belief or not, but I was still taking in the information and developing an understanding of GOD,Truth, Love, and Mission. I am not saying in anyway that we know the answer to these values, but I would say we dug deep. I was challenged to think about why I value God, and why I value Truth....this can really go on and on, but was I owning the ideas we were bringing up? Did I understand why these specific words-ideas-pictures-feelings are valuable to me? I no for a fact God is showing me something big right now-I am not really sure what it is yet, but I really desire to fall into Him. So with that on my mind all day, I brought it home and was trying to get some homework done, and I asked my roommate about the questions I was thinking about. We got into a pretty deep discussion and ended up talking about Hope. Which is where the picture of the sunrise comes in....
She (my roomie) uses the word Hope a lot, like a significant amount...when I don't know of a present to buy her, I end up with something saying Hope on it...anyway- she has been struggling with the definition of hope and what not (I am not going to tell her story here) but, she gave me this clear clear picture of what she sees as hope. "It is like when you get up REALLY early in the morning and you go to watch the sunrise. For a while you are sitting in the dark, it becomes kind of "musty", and you anticipate this beautiful site. This magnificant picture that God himself paints every morning. Then it finally comes...you see the sun start peeking up from the horizon...there is your HOPE!" I started picturing this "painting" and thought, man I want to see this...so I set my alarm-woke up and tried to play it off that it was already light outside-ha...so I got up, (ends up she wanted to do the same thing so we kind of scared each other in the am) and went to the parking garage on campus.
Being on top of this garage and looking into the distance (not so much of a distance because it was so extremely foggy) I began to think-man is this what my life looks like? I could literally not even see a football field distance in front of me. God began to convict me and point out situations, relationships, desires, on and on, but most of all, my relationship with Him. GOD- the one who I had been dwelling on the day before, picking out words, descriptions, etc. about valuing God. I was kind of upset I have to admit, because I was "hoping" for this beautiful painting- but really, the picture painted for me this morning was more magnificant than I have ever seen before. I was looking out into this field of trees, all pretty much the same kind of tree, but some stood out more than others. Todd, our College Pastor always talks about those outside the faith and how our heart should break for the campus. I think I got that picture from the sunrise- I saw this picture, some of the trees like I said, really stand out, they are dark, some have leaves, branches, etc., others were shady. You could see maybe the outline of the tree and even some branches, but not in detail, and then there were these blank spots. I knew there were trees there, but I could not see them. So I related it to this- there are about 10,000 students that are enrolled at FGCU. I know there are Christians, ones that have a relationship with Christ, and ones that don't understand what that means, others who think Christians are hypocrites, some who participate in other religions or spiritual activities, and some who just don't get it-they dont care. Now you can probably match the groups of people with the description of the trees- but my heart began breaking for all of the empty spots...the ones no one have even tried to reach, but then again the ones God himself calls us to. I began to pray and read the Word-as I did, I noticed it was getting brighter, slowly but surley. After a couple of minutes- I looked up, away from my Bible with my eyes wide open to finally see then Sun (or SON in this case?). WOW- I just smiled and could no longer be upset that the sunrise was not this bright and jaw-dropping experience....because it was more than that, it was a picture of God's heart-HOPE....

One of those AH-HA moments...

2008-02-16T18:47:00.000-08:00

I started thinking the other day...and I asked myself this question- What does love look like in my life? What are the things I love?What are the things I don't necessary love? Its a strong word, and Im not sure I understand the meaning of it yet. I love my parents, family, and friends...and I love God, but is that love different? His love for me is unconditional, wholehearted, unquestionable, unlimited, unreserved, AMAZING! So after thinking about this for so long and pondering on the fact that God's love for me is more love than I could ever give anyone or anything- I began to fall in love...

Really-I know it sounds kind of silly...but it is true. I was talking to a friend and I just started explaining this "new-found" love. I mean I have been a believer for a couple years, but I have never really allowed myself to fall in love. I wanted to, but I wouldn't let myself come to a place of full trust, faith, love, and most of all know that there is not one person in this world that can love me, like me, or even know me like my Maker. AH-HA!

Ever since then I have been drawn to the word. Consumed by it--and the amazing thing, I had been praying for that for a long time-that I would be consumed by the word and want to spend all day there reading and learning if I could. It happened, and I cannot explain to you how excited I am-I dont even know if excited is the word...engulfed maybe.

So if it is not too much to ask-please pray for me and that as I begin to dance with my Maker I will keep learning new steps, and become faster at the dance, more immune to the steps, but give up on them. That I will keep pursuing this never-ending "dance party" if you will, that will lead me to greater depths and more understanding of this amazing love.

"Your love Oh LORD, reaches to the Heavens,
Your faithfulness, stretches to the skies,
your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
and your justice flows like the oceans tides...

I will lift my voice
To worship You, my King
I will find my strength
In the shadow of your wings"

Whoa..

2008-02-05T19:28:00.001-08:00

This week has been pretty crazy...great, but crazy! I feel like I am learning so much right now, not only from the Word and being consumed in the Truth, but in school and at work (Summit). I am going through Nehemiah and absolutely awestruck by his love for Jerusalem. The commitment he had to rebuilding the wall and not letting down...but the thing that really grasped my heart was the ownership that took place in Chapters 1 and 2. This is the first book of the Bible that I have really taken the time to really sit down and be intentional about studying, so it may be from excitement, but I really think God is going to do something big in my heart, making me a Nehemiah. Taking ownership of not only my relationship with God himself, but ministry in general. I dont know if He is calling me to full-time vocational ministry or living out my life in full potential for Him, but Nehemiah sure had a dedication to his country. When Nehemiah feels this call from God to rebuild the wall, there was a lot of controversy from the officials and guards and this is how Nehemiah responded, "The God of heaven will help us succeed. We, his servants, will start rebuilding this wall. But you have no share, legal right, or historic claim in Jerusalem" (Neh. 2:20) He knows it is not the safest thing to do, but knows that God called him to it and he leads in obedience.

God story: So this week was very encouraging. Tonight one of the girls in my community group came up to me after Ignite and shared with me her encounter with the Lord! She is one who has been hard to reach because she is quiet and in a way insecure. I have seen her upset before but the difference between being upset about something and being broken about something was made so clear to me. She was dealing with a specific issue and last week, was just confused about it and not knowing where to go. So as a group we encouraged her to dive into the Word and let her heart be captivated by him...We prayed for her that night and left it at that. When she approached me tonight she had this light to her...a peace about the situation and estatic about what God was teaching her through the book of Proverbs. She couldn't stop smiling and just kept telling me how the Word was speaking to her and how she felt she could really have a conversation with God...how amazing! God is Good!

The more I seek you,
The more I find you,
The more I find you,
The more I love you! Lord, let me be captivated by your word and live to glorify you...

Bored...

2008-01-29T11:32:00.000-08:00

I am just sitting in class...pretty bored with a major headache! Anyway, I was sitting at the park the other
day studying Nehemiah. His heart for the people and city amazes me and I want to be like him in that
way. So while I was sitting there God spoke to me in a crazy way...through a little girl about 3 years old.
I was sitting near a picnic table all by myself and this little girl ran out of the bathroom with no pants
on. Her Dad is quickly following her with another baby in a sling with her pants in his hand. He told her
to jump up onto the table so he could put her pants on. So...he got her pants on and she started crawling
down...her Dad quickly stopped her and said, "Why don't you try and jump down," and she said, "But
Daddy I might fall and get hurt..." He replied and encouraged her to try it and he would catch her if she
was falling down. So she got back on the table and took the big jump...LANDED and got up and ran away
laughing hysterically...the Dad looks at me and said, "How awesome is that!"

So I quickly became convicted and started thinking about my relationship with God. I feel like so
often I am asked/called to take that "jump" and I take the easy way out and just crawl down. The
funny thing to me is that, crawling isn't always the easier way out...I feel like I always ask God to
show me ways to obey Him and what he is calling me to do...so when this happens, I NEED TO
LISTEN! Gesh...

well class is getting busy and my teacher keeps looking at me...Ha

HUH...

2008-01-13T12:59:00.000-08:00

So like I said in my last post...things have been a little intense/overwhelming/out-of-control/any other crazy word...but good at the same time. It just took a couple of days to realize that it was a good thing. So going home for the holidays was great, family time, quiet time, lay back and relax...but do you get too relaxed? Yep..I realized very clearly how relaxed I was, because it seemed like everything that was important to me, I in a way forgot about. I was to consumed in other "things". So I was glad to come back down to school to get back in the swing of things...HA! The first week was great...seeing friends again, being able to have alone time...and a lot of it. I thought is was kinda weird at first, didnt really understand what it was all about. During break a friend asked me to write down things I was believing God for in 2008...why was that so hard for me to think about? Becuase I wasn't thinking or anywhere focused on God...yes! So all in all...I was struggling!

The second week back I was talking with a friend just in casual conversation and something we started talking about really hit me hard. I didnt know how to take and it my first reaction was to be mad and upset, wanting to back away from everything and everyone. Funny part is that I was at Ignite (college ministry) where I couldn't leave becaues I didnt drive for the first night ever! ha...anyway, my friend had come to me to talk about, what I now realize as a huge failure on my part. It stinks to come to such realizations in life because in many cases, it means you now have to do work to fix it, and a lot of that work is not easy, for you and anyone else in it. YUP-overwhelming if you ask me. I didnt know how to respond when my friend was telling me that I wasnt really being a friend...I may be coming off as being really harsh right now, but she had to tell me, God laid it on her heart and she saw that it was happening in our friendship and knew it had happened in others, and no one else was saying anything. She cared enough about me to say something to me that she knew would hurt me. OUCH...but wonderful at the same time! No one really wants a friend to come to them about a failure of yours or in a way a judgement. She needed to..I know that and I am so glad that she did...So I am not going to go into great detail about what she had to say or my feelings...because that is not the point...

I came to a huge realization that night...partly because of what she said to me, but also knowing that with every friendship I brought on and every person I started pouring my life into, I was putting the Lord, God, Creator of the Universe, Maker of everything, Prince of Peace, behind them again and again. (nod head in shame)...but I got to thinking, how often I really do that. How often do we put God behind friendships, work, school, family, boyfriend/girlfriends, wife/husband, etc.? Are we really living out lives out for God...or for ourselves? How many times do you think about honoring God throughout the day...then what about your family and friends? Who is really more important? When I am spending time with God, is the intention just to get it out of the way for the day...or is it intended to make your relationship with the Maker-more intimate and transformed daily? (yep...Im saying ouch myself...)

So I asked God to search my heart with me and pick out stuff that was hurting my relationships, and to break me...yes, really crush me. And trust me...it happened! I can make excuse after excuse as to why I was treating people this way, acting this way, etc. but I didnt notice it at the time... at all, pretty much oblivious, that I was hurting people as much as I thought I was being hurt and sometimes even more. Yes, I was being hurt, but I was doing the hurting first...I figured out...it all comes down to SELFISHNESS and INSECURITY. I know that is the root to a lot of problems in everyones lives, and no one is perfect...I understand that, but for me to get there was huge.

We can end with that...I know God is putting me through this time of realizations and obstacles for a reason bigger and better than I can ever imagine. I am just working on seeking Him and pursuing Him to get out of this the way He wants me to in a willing and obeying sense. I started doing a new book the other day and the crazy part was it is a book/devotional that is intentional on making your Quiet Time more meaningful and healthier. Developing habits that will take you to a place of radical intimacy with your God! An intimacy with God that is: real, radical, revolutionary, and relational (Martin, Six Secrets to a Powerful Quiet Time). It is REAL because it's not theoretical but a true experience, REVOLUTIONARY because knowing Him intimately will transform your life, RADICAL because as it changes your life, your intimate relationship with God will have an impact on the world, and RELATIONAL because implying an exchange and interaction with the creator of the universe. (Martin) QUESTION (got me trust me...) What would you do if Jesus walked into the room where you are right now, looked into your eyes, and said, "Today I would like to spend quiet time with you"? Here's what Zaccheus did. He hurried down and received Him with great joy. Will you do the same?

God, you are my God! God I surrender my heart to you, and as much pain and suffering that can be-even the more love, mercy, and peace it brings. God change and transform me in your mighty ways. Make me the woman you want me to be, God and seach my heart and God break me. God my hearts desire is to know you! God I will set aside time for you, to be with you, talk with you, love you, need you, God and pay the price in time and energy to know you more. God make this a commitment for intentional devotion to you. God bring me deeper, to a more intimate place with you and let that love reflect in my everyday life. Be my #1! I want my heart to dance with you...

Overwhlemed...

2008-01-09T15:25:00.000-08:00

So you know how it is in life when you think things are going well...then all of a
sudden BOOM!!!!! Yeah...I have been realizing a lot in the past 24 hours, not all
good which is the overwhelming part. I know things will work out and it may be
a long process and not a fun process, but things need to change...I dont have
much time right now to write out everything on my heart...but I will write soon...
just had to do a quick vent....

My heart...

2007-12-18T06:50:00.000-08:00

Cry In My Heart- Starfield

There's a cry in my heart
For your glory to fall
For your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could you take me beyond?
Could you carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with you?
[For I've been there before]
[Yet I know there's still more]
[Oh Lord I need to know you more]

For what do I have
If I dont have you Jesus?
What in this life
could mean anymore?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
of my head

I surrender........

Thinking

2007-12-17T19:55:00.000-08:00

Well I haven't posted in a while and a lot has happened...nothing big or surprising, but just a lot of thinking. The last time I posted it was about the Christmas pageant and how what we now take as something we hear all of the time, Jesus' birth and life on earth, and how it impacted my life when I saw it played out and put in front of me. I was changed by it....by something I took as just something you know and study as a Christian. I am learning now, that a lot of things that I may already know or know of, are being shown to me in bigger ways...more intense (my new favorite word!). Anyway...it is just amazing to me how through small things or realizations, God can be painting a huge picture!

1-So I finished my first semester as a Junior about a week ago...crazy! I can't believe I am almost done with college! INTENSE! I was thinking the other day about who and how I was when I first came to FGCU and my attitude towards...life. As I have been growing in my faith and relationship with the Lord, I believe I have become a better person and friend, but not so much a better student. I know in the Bible it says to do everything absolutely everything you do to glorify God...and im not. In one class imparticular, I did not have the best semester. I am taking mostly all online classes which lets me take a lot at my own pace...sometimes a good thing, other times not so good. It lets me slack....ugh! A lot of people know that I put a lot into friendships and loving people...why am I not like that with school? I have to come to the realization that if I do not excel in school, the classes I am taking now, I will not move on to an actual occupation..."what God is calling me to do." I know school is it right now, but so easily my focus is taken off of school and put directly towards OT and how I am going to work with children, doing something I am passionate about. But, I am not going to get to that place until I get through something I am not so passionate about..school. I just pray that God will change my heart and attitude school and lead me to a place of contentment to pull through...

2-I went to a Brazilian church service last night with one of my roommates and two other friends...interesting I have to say. One, I didn't understand anything. You might be thinking, "Why were you even there? " Good question..I think I was asking myself the same thing. They started with some worship music...old song that a lot of people know, then on to the message. I did not even know what it was about, but to see how this individual/guy/pastor was led by God to teach and proclaim his word was amazing. The thing that caught my attention was the passion he was portraying through the whole message. The way he would put emphasis on words and his facial expressions caught my attention. It was ming boggling to me to see God through this man who loves to share the good news about Jesus! I go into so many situations being so skeptical about the outcome...but its really so silly.

3-Conclusion. I have been praying for a while now, really since the fall retreat, that through everything I do, hear, conversations I have, etc. I would be changed in some way. There is no reason why we should want to stay the same person...change is good! I have really been noticing that through the "small" stuff, or things I take as general information, "coimmon sense" I have been challenged to change...I pray that this will continue and that through the things I am reading and message spoken I will be changed by something through them. I know this is a lot of randomness...but it is kind of my thought process right now...ha!

Christmas Pageant

2007-12-10T20:46:00.000-08:00

...so last night I went to my first Christmas Pageant...I didn't really know what to think about it, but I loved it! There were definitely some interesting parts, but overall, I thought it was a great performance and really showed the love and life of Jesus. I have heard over and over again and again the story of Jesus with the disciples at the Last Supper, before he was betrayed and hung on the cross. Seeing the picture actually played out, opened my eyes. I know it was a show and it may not have been more extreme, but the fact is that Jesus died for my/our sins and through that we can have the most amazing love relationship ever! I dont know why it hit me so hard at that time, I mean its not like I never knew that before or even believed it in my heart, soul, and mind...it was just the overall picture of it happening in front of me. Kind of overwhelming in some sense and heartbreaking in another. I have also always heard, "Die to yourself and live in Christ daily." But, do you really understand that picture either? So anyway...last night was big for me. Going to my first pageant and taking in the fullness of the cross. WOW! It is so important to surrender everything to Him...I know its hard, and I honestly can't say that I have truly surrendered everything in my life, that is a part of my life to him. Sad to say...that I can't trust the maker of the entire universe with my worries, struggles, temptations, thougths, hopes, etc.

This now takes me back to knowing his will for my life. I want to be living out every moment of my life for Him...He deserves it and should have our whole heart. The cool thing....He wants us to know the will for your life, even more than you want to know it yourself! I find that a lot of times I struggle with not going to the Lord about a situation or circumstance before talking to someone else about it first and getting their opinion. I realized...thats not always bad! We were reading through 1 Kings 12:1-15. "God has given us one another and the body of Christ to help facilitate the decision making process. So after this I mean, I felt better about decisions I have made, but it doesn't mean I can just ask the advice of others, it is not just as important but more important to go to the Lord with everything. I think thats it for now...I dont know how much of this makes much sense..a little exhausted!

3:45am...really????

2007-12-03T18:25:00.000-08:00

So I have been trying to be obedient in waking up in the middle of the night when God is trying to tell me something. I'm not one to really wake up from a deep sleep so when I do I know something is up. So the other night I had been absoutely exhausted...God decides to wake me-not just awake enough to realize that I am awake...no, WIDE AWAKE! I thought I could play it off and just pray. Lift up friends,family, people on my heart...NOPE.

I knew that if I opened my Bible I would be up for probably over an hour, but I did it. I had no clue where to read or what to study, so I was thinking about all of the books and opened to Job. I was reading the forward/overview of the book and it was totally what I needed to hear. I had been talking to a friend earlier that day and was thinking about that a lot...realizing I also needed to tell her to read it. This is the part that caught me...Job was a prosperous farmer living in the land of Uz. He had thousands of sheep, camels, and other livestock, a large family, and many servants. Suddenly, Satan the Accuser came before God claiming that Job was trusting God only because he was wealthy and everything was going well for him. And thus the testing of Job's faith began. Satan was allowed to destroy Job's children, servants, livestock, herdsman, and home: but Job continued to trust in God. Next Satan attacked Job physically, covering him with painful sores. Job's wife told him to curse God and die (2:9) but Job
suffered in silence.

So everything was taken away from Job. Im thinking...INSANE! Yeah right...so coming off of my last post with being out of my comfort zone...funny! Anyway, there was a guy from last thurs when I went to feed the homeless who said he wasn't homeless because he "had" everything he needed..which included a sweatshirt, shirt, pants, and a pair of boots. CRAZY! So the book goes on to talk about Job's life while he had everything going for him-to now having nothing and still trusting the Lord with everything.

This past tuesday I was meeting with a couple of friends and we were talking about Proverbs 3:5-6. A lot of people know it and it was probably one of the first verses you memorized, but have you really thought of all the truth behind it? I have been
studying the Will of God. There are three types...Providential, Moral, and Personal. Providential is what is going to happen either way, Moral is what we know will happen anyway, through commandments, etc. Personal is found but being more
aware and familiar with the other two will's. So through Proverbs 3:5-6, leads you to the personal will...Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, Lean not on your OWN understanding...then all of your paths will be made straight. That's a lot right???

So bringing this back to Job...He put ALL of his trust in God! Even when he had everything he could imagine to quickly having nothing. So I am in that trusting God stage. Learning how to be obedient and rely more on God than people and the things I am familiar with. Getting out of my comfort zone....exactly my point!
HUH?!?!

Comfort zone...not so much!

2007-12-01T00:06:00.000-08:00

So yesterday (thurs) I went down into the city of Ft. Myers. I had never really been that far north on 41 before but I was ok with that...I think. A group of people from the church I attend go down and feed the homeless every thurs. afternoon and have a message and get to fellowship with the people. Let's just say...I was overwhelmed! This is kind of sad to admit, but I have never physically been that close to a homeless person before. I had some friends there, but I knew God wanted me to come out of my "shell." God has been teaching me lately that I need to stop relying on other people and my "comfort zone" all the time. At home my comfort zone was obviously my house and some of our close friends house, and now being at school it has moved on to be with friends from Ignite or families that have taken me in like another child...it amazes me how couples/people down here bring you into their family, pretty much. Anyway, this comfort zone thing...I was tested about a month ago when I was asked to go to Africa with a friend of mine. I got so nervous when she asked because I had never been over-seas before, I didn't even want to ask my parents what they thought and honestly I didn't even want to pray about it. SAD! But, I started to anyway...and my heart definitely broke for the people there and the situation they are in. So God really laid it on my heart to get a passport 1 and 2 start doing something about it. I know this summer I am suppose to go somewhere, out of the country or not, to honestly share his love with others and "walk in love." This experience yesterday was just a quick glimpse of what I am going to see in Africa, Mexico, and whereever I end up this summer...Interesting to see how quicky God can change your heart...

I was talking to one of the guys that attended the lunch for the people on the street. His name is Gary, and he caught my attention by just sitting on a bench watching everyone else interact and run up for more food, etc. There was something about him that I knew I had to see. THIS is where I come out of my "shell." I walk towards him already intimidated because he was a man. I started talking to him about random things, where he grew up and his family...and I began to see this love and peace that I had never seen before. After sharing story after story with him, all I could say was..."wow, how encouraging." I was abosolutely in awe of God for his amazing work in this mans life and seeing Gary really live his life sold out to Christ. Understanding what Jesus did for him and his life, and the situation he had to go through with a love of his life, putting her 1st before God, knowing he became homeless because that was the only way (in his life) for God to get his attention...and then PRAISING HIM FOR DOING THAT IN HIS LIFE! Amazing to me....

Thats all