Tremble?

I know I haven't posted in a while, but don't worry- God is at work in my life. I feel like I have been pushed and pushed consistently...the funny thing is at first my reaction is-man, again? already? this stinks! this is hard! can't I relax for a minute? Oh how my response should just be YES, Lord- and excited to see what He is calling me to. Be eager to learn and grow by pursuit of Him. For about 2 months or so I have been doing a study on 1 Timothy, which is about the pursuit of Godliness. Great study- it leads you through the whole book of 1 Tim. and leads you to correlating verses throughout the word. I have been so challenged and pushed to limits I never thought were there. It is awesome! Recently, I have been encountered with my dependence on God and living a quiet life being saturated by the Word of God. I was reading in 1 Tim 6 where Paul is writing to Timothy explaining the relationship between slaves and their masters.

All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect, so that God's name and our teaching may not be slandered. Those who have believing masters should not show them disrespect just because they are fellow believers. Instead, they should serve them even better because their masters are dear to them as fellow believers and are devoted to the welfare of their slave.

The study then led me to 1 Thessalonians 4:9-11.

"Now about your love for on another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all the brothers and sisters in Macedonia. Yet we urge you, dear friends, to do so more and more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily like may win the respect of outsiders so that you will not be dependent on anybody."

I cannot even begin to explain how boldly this speaks in my life. I have a great job, I love my job, great "boss" and staff that passionately pursues God, and how easily it is to think of them more as friends at times and get tasks accomplished on my time and not as quickly as maybe they would like...ouch! On top of that- living a quiet life, not full of pride and "look at my great accomplishments", but a lifestyle quiet and humble, one of service and Godliness. THEN- to not be dependent on ANYBODY- did you catch that...I really think when I read this I felt a slap on my face. I can blame my dependence on being an only child and the lifestyle of growing up with my amazing parents so focused on me and supporting me through everything- to learning that my only dependence should be God. Recently I led a group of High School students on a trip and before I left I was so adamant about getting others approval and opinions about going. Knowing God had already called me to going on the trip, but No, I still had to go to others...why? Because my dependence was not on God, it was on the opinions of others that I knew would support me and care for me.

Why is God's call not always enough.....